I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize