My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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