I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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