She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
