Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
