The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
