I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
