On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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