careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
