mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
