This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize