Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
