My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
