Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
