i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
