This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
