ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
