Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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