on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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