nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize