you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
