you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
