woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
