K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
