i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
