On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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