I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize