I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
