I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
