You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
