I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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