still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
