turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
