Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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