this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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