I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
