I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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