yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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