turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
