You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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