my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
