i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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