Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
