ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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