conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
