im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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