what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
