You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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