fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
