Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
