before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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