took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
