god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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