I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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