I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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