Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
