dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
