so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
