I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
