Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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