Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
