Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize