Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
