so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize