his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
