I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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