Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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