My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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