I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
