wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
