He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
