dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
