people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
